From watching him get married, to getting over him, to feeling betrayed by someone so unexpected as this innocent, clueless, well-meaning, friend of mine, and to extending a semester, and finally to change my whole master's thesis after writing 3 chapters.
I am so much in pain right now, that it's gotten physical last night!
If angina could be on the right hand, then that's closer to what I felt last night.
I think I've lost myself this year
I became this undefinable person in such a short time.
I've lost a lot of what I believed in.
I've stopped caring.
It's stifling to be with many people right now, and sometimes even with the few people I know and love so much, I just feel like I shouldn't be sitting with them and I should stay far and alone.
I've fought hard.
In fact, the very fact that I can still smile at people, walk towards them and
makeup my mind on the difficult decision of moving on (both academic and love-wise)
is actually proof that I am still fighting.
The fact that I can trust that people actually care about me and like me and not think too much about that is proof that I am strong.
And so is the fact that I can express my feelings in this blog.
If you're reading these words, I'd like to thank you.
I know my problems may seem like first world problems or high school problems, to some people since I still have a beautiful, healthy family of kin and friends that loves me..and alhamdulillah, I've no complains money-wise.. and my health, despite the little things like hormone issues, hair loss, being slightly fatter than the skinny girl I was, it's actually better than many many other people's.
But that's the thing, problems are not to be compared to others. Nobody can bear my burden, and neither can I bear theirs.
Anyways, there're 2 more months to this year, I don't know if I can turn the tables enough to undo the damage done to my worldview and attitude but I'm surely gonna try and make my chances of a happy 2015 better. I may not finish and submit the thesis by February, but I'm gonna sure as hell make sure 3 chapters are done by then and that my lab part is over.
I may need to extend another sem, but that's okay as long as I have results by this sem.
I am gonna graduate in 2015, inshallah!